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This post shares the real, emotional journey of raising a sensory sensitive child and learning to design a home around their needs. By listening closely to her son’s behavior and preferences, Beatrice began reshaping his room into a calmer, more supportive space, showing how thoughtful design can help both children and parents feel more at ease.
Five years ago I was blessed with a child that has sensory issues and ADHD on top of it. I recently found out that those two often occur together. Being a mom, you’re always learning more about yourself as well as your kids and how to best support them with the right tools. It has been a really frustrating five years of toothpaste smearing, shampoo squeezing, light switching. Do I need to go on? Parents of special needs children get it. If you don’t have a special needs child, you don’t know. You just haven’t had the exposure, that’s all.
My son Asher has tested me over and over again. My walls are dotted with holes, my lipstick squished on the countertop and my perfume sprayed all over.
Understanding the Root of the Behavior
You could say my child is crazy, but I look at it differently. He is sensory seeking and his needs are not being met. I could blame him, or instead, I could look at myself and say “what am I not doing for my child?”
I have since then learned that walls can be repaired. Lipstick is just lipstick, and whatever I value that I don’t want ruined, I just need to hide. There are so many modifications that you need to make in the home of a residing special needs child.
Parents of special needs children need to revamp their house and make it “special needs friendly”.
Mixing In Beauty and Function
How can I have a beautiful home that is also functional? I don’t want to take the art off the walls so that my child doesn’t ruin it!
You don’t have to – I didn’t. Even though a behavioral psychologist suggested I do that.
Your lifestyle needs to be modified but not completely altered.
Let Your Child Be Your Guide
And it starts with the child.
Your child will tell you what he needs based on his behavior and what he is seeking.
I decided to look at his bedroom as a first clue.
The Design Journey Begins
As an interior designer, I am constantly updating and revamping spaces in my house. Moving pillows, adding wallpaper. For me, DIY projects are innovative and fun. You could call it stress relief. I recently updated my older son’s room. You can learn more about my interior design services here.
Something you need to do the uncomfortable
Side note: I recently separated my two children and put them each in their own room. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that my loving special needs son, Asher, was stressing my older son Nathan. That’s another thing parents of non special needs children don’t know. Your special needs child really changes the family dynamic. It can have a stressful impact on the other children. In my case, Asher was waking up early (between 4:30-5:00am) and was waking up Nathan. Taking his toys, throwing pillows and stuffed animals at him, ruining his magnet tile castle, etc etc etc….
It was time to separate them.
What truly listening really means
Ok, back to my design.
I repainted Nathan’s room and added wallpaper to an accent wall. It came out beautiful. But here’s the issue: Asher told me he wanted me to paint his room too!
Mind you, I am in love with the design of Asher’s room. It is an original idea and so authentic to what my design style is- vibrant and colorful- just enough, and in style!
Now get this: Asher says he wants the walls to be white! I said absolutely not – how could I possibly peel the star stickers off? It took me hours to put them up! And the color? Come on! It’s light blue on the bottom, symbolizing daytime, and dark blue on
top, symbolizing night time!
He kept asking and asking, which led me to look deeper into the issue and think about it.
And then I listened.
Confirming with professionals
I asked our wonderful OT if colors could trigger a sensory child and change his mood? She said absolutely.
I was so proud of my child for being able to voice that he didn’t like the color. He was essentially telling me, Mom, this is not making me feel comfortable in my own room! But because he just turned 5 and his speech is delayed, he wasn’t able to express why he was feeling this way.
So a few nights ago, I told him, Mommy is going to change the wall color and make it more comfortable for you. He said he wanted white. I said, you got it! I decided I would revamp his room completely and make it calming and sensory friendly.
I mentally accepted this challenge and started to peel off the stickers. I predict that this will take me all weekend, but hey, it’s actually a stress reliever and I feel empowered that I’m able to help my son!
Parents with special needs children, I know you get it!
My Mission Ahead
This is the beginning of my journey to improve my child’s sensory needs, and hopefully help other parents who are so frustrated, defeated and absolutely drained from their children, not to mention feel guilty for all those feelings and feel scared to express these emotions out loud.
So here’s the beginning!
The beginning of a sensory-friendly room
This is a tent I put up, small enough for my child to crawl in there and feel cozy. I don’t want him to have a big tent because I want him to feel like there’s too much space. This is his OWN space. Followed by a fluffy rug that he could feel with his feet and hands. And a soft back pillow that he can lean on but will also hug him. My sensory child loves to be squished and rolled like a burrito, and get squeezing massages. Every sensory child is different.
Stay tuned for more progress!
frequently asked questions
How do I design a bedroom for a sensory sensitive child without removing everything?
According to sensory design expert Beatrice Tokayer, the goal is balance. Adjust color, texture, and layout based on your child’s reactions instead of stripping the room completely.
Can wall colors affect a sensory sensitive child’s mood?
Yes. Occupational therapists often confirm that certain colors can influence comfort levels, which is why this redesign shifted toward a calmer palette.
How do I know what my sensory sensitive child actually needs at home?
As the Mother of sensory sensitive children, Beatrice Tokayer suggests observing behavior closely. Children often communicate their needs through actions long before they can explain them verbally.
Is it okay to prioritize function over design when raising a sensory sensitive child?
You don’t have to choose. Thoughtful design can support both beauty and function at the same time.
